Heartburn

This is a picture of the bacon we had in our BLTs for Evan's birthday dinner. Mike, Hailey's boyfriend, ate three (we ran out of bacon). This post doesn't have anything to do with bacon.

Evan returns sometime today from a week long scout canoe trip. He and about 15 kids and leaders drove north to the Yellowstone area... Jackson Lake, Island Park, bays, islands... You get the idea.

He didn't really want to go. Actually, it was more complicated than that. He was dead set against going, then he seemed okay about it, then he was very reluctant, later somewhat excited, followed up by denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance and maybe even... enjoyment? It's important to note that we never actually see the enjoyment stage, we're kind of assuming it might happen. But he always waits till we're out of sight to show it. He also tucks it into his pack right before he gets home, depriving us of the parental satisfaction we understandably crave.

He wasn't the only one with mixed emotions about the whole affair. Tracy and I agonized before and after we sent him on his way. It's maybe not what you think: We weren't afraid of the canoeing (life jackets) or bears (he can run faster than at least some kids) or even pervy scout masters (I'd trust these guys with my life). He's just become a little distanced from the scout program and subsequently the people and things that go with it. It's possible that's entirely our fault, but I'd like to hope otherwise. Nevertheless, his attendance on the trip was not a foregone conclusion. A couple of primary reasons: 1) Tracy and I aren't really campers... and so we're reluctant to insist our kids do something for a week we usually won't do for a night. 2) He had been teased by some of the kids on previous trips and was dreading more of the same. We could get past the first reason, the second wasn't so easy.

Not sure about other parents, be we've always received a lot of joy from seeing our kids spend time with other kids in a way that makes them happy and keeps them busy. Not sure why... maybe we take it as a sign that they will eventually, in spite of our parental prowess, adjust okay to others and the outside world. It's like that when we visit family in Pocatello. We pull up, unload the car and they just disappear with their cousins. Riding horses, throwing knives, chasing chickens, texting boys. We see them at meal time but not much more... they seem completely content, completely independent of us. No, it's not just us being lazy parents... I think that's how it's supposed to work. It's never quite clicked that way for Ev with scouting. He has friends, but no close friends. And those closest to being close friends are fickle and and often interested in winning the favor of the older/others.. sometimes at Evan's expense.

We felt good about our reasons to have him go... get him out of the house and into the light, provide more exposure to the splendor of the American west (Tracy's idea...weird, right?), reconnect with scouting and the kids from church, make memories, eat hamburgers and have new stories to tell. And yet we were worried that we were setting him up for a rough week... surrounded by kids his own age, but possibly feeling isolated or worse. Might he overstate the problem, to avoid a lengthy camp out? Maybe. But it still felt a tiny bit like we were throwing him to the lions. Potential exaggeration aside, no parent ever wants a hand in that.

How did it all turn out? We'll find out soon enough. We did get a text from one of the leaders a couple of days ago (Thanks Ben) that said he seemed happy and was doing well. I think it probably, hopefully turned out fine... maybe even great. Will he admit that, knowing it will validate our decision and motivate us to send him back next time? Probably not.

Stay tuned.